Not sure how to deal with my [37F] anti-vaxx husband [35M] since I want to get our kids vaccinated

A Reddit user opens up about her struggle with her anti-vaccine husband, whose beliefs are preventing their children from being vaccinated. She shares her dilemma of protecting her kids while navigating marital discord. Read her story below.

‘ Not sure how to deal with my [37F] anti-vaxx husband [35M] since I want to get our kids vaccinated’

At first I assumed he would come around and realize it’s the right thing to do. We were both vaccinated as children, as were both of our families. It’s been 6 years. Six years since our daughter was born, and 3 1/2 years since our son was born.

First, he said he wanted to wait until they were older, maybe 1 year, to “let them develop before we add chemicals.” At 1 year I pushed to vaccinate but was met with his “uncertainty.” Today my daughter had a fever of 102.3, over 101.6 for more than 24 hours, and I decided to take her to the ER.

Thankfully she doesn’t have anything serious, but for more than 10 minutes the doctor laid into me about how important vaccines are for our children. He said all the things I’ve said to my husband, and more, and made me feel like s**t. He explained that a 4 month old baby was hospitalized 3 days ago for meningitis, and lived even though he didn’t expect him to survive.

I tried to explain that I agree, but I feel he didn’t believe me that it was my husband’s wishes I was respecting up until now. He ended by saying, “look, *my children are vaccinated.* ”
On the discharge paperwork it says: “vaccination not carried out because of caregiver refusal” under the diagnosis.

I look stupid because of my husband’s ignorance. I won’t do this anymore. Although he is a sweet man with a kind heart, he is endangering our children. Can I just take them myself? We always go together…

thus he’s always there and freaks out if vaccines are mentioned so the doctor gives up. What can I say so he won’t go? How can I keep this form him, or should I tell him once it’s done? Reddit I need encouragement and suggestions what to do.. Please help

Edit: for the people who are down voting:: If I was in some kind of religious cult and asked for help to get out you would help me. Help me help my children this is no different. For those of you that have always agreed with your spouse on this, you are lucky. I thought he would eventually let them get vaccines but now it’s just excuse after excuse.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

weissduboir −  This is absolutely a hill you should die on, as it is your children’s safety, but be prepared for your husband to do the same. Take a day off work and schedule an appointment for when he’s still at work. Lie to him, say you’re going somewhere else. If you’ve reached the point of going behind his back, there are a lot of options. Just be prepared for the fallout when you get home.

Keep in mind that although it’s completely misguided, he also thinks he has your children’s safety at heart. If you want to save your marriage after this, don’t talk to him like he’s a monster, and don’t talk to him like he’s an i**ot. Ask questions, try to understand why he thinks vaccines are bad.

Find the thing that convinced him, and see if you can talk through that together – maybe even watch or read it for him so you can understand fully where he’s coming from. Also, remember this will be, to him, a massive breach of trust, so you need to prepare for the possibility that he won’t want to reconcile after this. Good luck. Even though it’s ridiculously hard, you are doing the right thing.

00Random_passerby00 −  Just go by yourself. His stupidity shouldn’t be a cause for their danger.. Edit: thank you for the gold!

Ratchet1313 −  Think of it this way: Your husband is not only killing your kids, but also endangering every other person your kids come in contact with. Even you. There are 2 things I don’t tolerate in this world, drunk driving and not vaccinating your kids. At this point, you should just get them vaccinated no matter what.

I don’t want to say anything about your relationship, but from a scientific perspective, your husband is an i**ot and you need to protect your kids no matter what. Show your husband the article where 20+ unvaccinated kids UNDER 10 got the MEASLES in Vancouver/Portland (this happened a COUPLE DAYS AGO). Now imagine those are your kids. If he still doesn’t agree with vaccinations… I think you should rethink your marriage.

EmzBitesBack −  Put your foot down next time you take the kids in. Tell him that they are getting vaccinated. Ask him if he wants your kids to get Measles. Ask him why he doesn’t want your children vaccinated. Have a discussion with him about the reasons. You said you always go together, but why do you have to always go together?

kitchenmama17 −  My child is medically unable to receive many vaccines and I would KILL to have the option of protecting him with them. It is a horrible thing to have a child who can’t be vaccinated in a world where parents opt out and diseases that were almost eradicated start to have outbreaks because of anti vax. Please find a way to do this no matter what.

It isn’t just your children at risk here. Even if he doesn’t know you’re doing it until it’s done. First figure out why he’s anti vaccine and have science ready to back up the counterpoints to every argument he is.

Lots of science. You’re going to need to study like your kids’ lives depend on it to be prepared with sources to show. If when faced with the actual truth about vaccines he STILL doesn’t see the need and refuses them, take them in secret. I’m not usually a “hide it from your spouse” advocate ever but your kids need vaccines. It’s serious. Very, very, serious.

pinkawapuhi −  To be honest, the fact that he insists on being present with everything you do and you not even being able to leave while he’s at work (does he even work?) makes me feel like you’re in a controlling relationship. He sounds not only like an i**ot when it comes to science but a domineering, controlling, scary husband.

Kiwitechgirl −  Ask your husband why he thinks he knows better than countless doctors, immunologists, epidemiologists and infectious disease specialists who have devoted their lives to preventing children from dying of vaccine preventable diseases.

Ask him to show you his peer reviewed studies which have been published in high impact journals that say vaccines aren’t safe (YouTube videos and blog posts by mommy bloggers not accepted – you want cold hard science, and if he tries to show you the Andrew Wakefield “study” point out that it was withdrawn and Fakefield struck off the medical register).

Ask him why he thinks kids aren’t in iron lungs any more. Ask him why smallpox isn’t a thing any more. Look up the case of a German girl called Angelina who died of SSPE, a truly horrible disease which can be a side effect of measles – it’s incurable and can strike years after the child has measles (Angelina caught measles from an unvaccinated child when she was too young to be vaccinated herself). And if all else fails, take a day off work, take your kids out of school and daycare without telling him, and start getting them caught up.

PicklesonPickles −  Dude come tf on, just vaccinate your kids. Put their safety above your husband being upset.

notevenapro −  The only reason you have not taken them is because you are afraid of the fallout. I cannot believe a 37 year old woman cannot figure out how to take the kids out of the house without hubby. Unless he is home 24/ or he beats you.

Klumpfisk −  First, he said he wanted to wait until they were older, maybe 1 year, to “let them develop before we add chemicals.” This is a dumb argument. Literally everything is made of chemicals.

This story reflects the challenges of balancing parental responsibilities, personal convictions, and partnership dynamics. It reminds us of the importance of making informed decisions for children’s health, even when faced with opposition. How would you handle such a delicate situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.